Iterating First Posts

i felt a liking to post not because i have to or i’m turning twenty one tomorrow. so much has been way my last post and i almost couldn’t remember how to start an entry - one which is usual and goes through every mechanism i did with the other fifty or so. what i’ve become all the while, i cannot even tell. i haven’t been to myself in a long time, really. after sixteen bleeding years at school, i finally managed to save myself documents to put me in a career. i may not know where i’ll be for, say, the next ten years but i am certain that i rank among the two million eight hundred thousand individuals in need of a fat paycheck. when do i begin dreaming?

All For Nothing

Well, there might be a good start after all, always. Past haunts me again. "From when have you been?" I said. It's time and again these times of year that I creep for a pen in hopes of scribbling a few words and finding myself tracing sensible things. It may well be almost a third of a year when I last had the push to drive inks and carbon towards a couple of punctuation marks.

I, of course, seemed mediocre.  Pardon me; I'm too lazy to write for I had my beers. This one, on a 15×20cm sheet of recyclable paper meant for a 14-inch tube in tandem with a 1.61GHz AMD processor. All for a never-ending frustration to recall the lesson time always tell - to remember.

Disturbed

For a rerun of the old phrase: "It's always nice talking to an old friend." - and it always is, indeed. For quite sometime, never had this spontaneous catch-ups on each other's what-and-whereabouts went on for more than a multitude of SMS exchanges. Lovely has always been a dear friend. Likewise, a good partner in crime way back our good but perilous highschool days. Sadly, the years spent already went past and away. How I wish we could meet again.

Malapit nanaman ang bakasyon. In line with the thought, nandyan nanaman ang pinakahihintay na reunion sa puntod ng mga yumao.

And then, just because I can't sleep, I suddenly hate the world for it's deafening lullabies.

Pasok na sa banga ang grades ko sa majors, hopefully, but I feel otherwise for those nonsensical minors. I've always dreamt for those fortune-giving cookies which would enable me to retain my scholarship and hence, continue my government-milking ventures.

May isang period, dalawang comma, at dalawawpu't-pitong vowels ang sentence na ito.

Badtrip.. drained nanaman ang utak ko. Makatulog na nga.

Damages Done, Memories Good As Gone

It's me and those words, which sounded so obscene and defamatory, that you chose to put me in your bin of memories. Yeah, it's been hard losing you as a company. Frying our livers, burning our lungs, nature trips, et al - has gone good then, but now just feels like a paragraph in a story. I don't know if you opted to put things into oblivion, or maybe it's just some phase I dreamingly pine for having a happy ending. And when that time comes, if it seems it doesn't hurt badly anymore, would you still be able to recall that time when I was just an SMS away?

Isang Libo’t Isang Gabi

Huminto kami sa bahay, sa tawag ng isang pabor. Kung anong naisip niya at bakit ay hindi ko lubos mahabi. Ang inakala kong payak at napakalayong posibilidad ay biglaang sumabog, tila'y isang araw na ginapos ang gabi. Gayun nga at nangyari ang mangyayari, kabila ng makailang ulit na pag-aalinlangan. Pero, sino nga ba ang tatanggi gayung minsan at minsan lamang ito darating. Unti-unti, ay isang pagtalakay sa kung sino at sino pa nga ba ang kabilang sa kanyang mumunting pelikula. Makaraan ay ang pahirapang pag-uwi, ang tipong madalang na pagparoo't-parito ng masasakyan. Hindi ko na batid kung saang lupalop siya nakarating. Mahirap kimkimin, kung sakali mang aking ipagsabi, daan-daan ang aking gagalitin sa isang libo't isang gabi.

A Is For Apple, I For Ignorance

I'm having headaches. I don't know if this could practically be fatal or just an offshoot of an idle lifestyle. Watching romantic flicks. Devoid of empathy. A cup of coffee. Marlboros, all for company. There might be a thousand single humans out there, love stories are all the same.. and I beg to differ. I'm just another star with a lonely planet.

Lost & Haven’t Been Found

I lost my flash mp3 player last night. Oo, not quite pricey but it's worth an investment, for the bucks would go to something else anyway - liquor et al. Kaya may sense of loss pa rin ako. Leche kasi pag lasing na ko, I tend not to be attentive sa possessions ko. I woke up with minute recollections of a night I can't particularly assess. I couldn't even seem to fathom who I was with. That feeling that makes you want-to-scream-out-of-sheer-embarrassment given all what you did the past 24 hours. There's no better way to describe it but that throb in the gut and those suppressed inclinations to call who you were with last night and hear them tell all their tales. I love you alak, you're one hell of an experience inducing moron!

Random Thoughts

I don't find myself adept to schooling. Ewan ko, given my talent sa panggogoyo ng gobyerno to finance all this, I don't see the air to learn, because I know I've already failed myself. Not just once. Discipline is one habit I'm not looking forward to handle better than how I do with my bottle of beer.

Kahapon, I spent half my morning digesting current events, the other napping.. when suddenly, two ugly baklings came. Ayun, nagkalkal si bakla sa drawer ko ng ipangrarampa niya sa gimikan. Swell that he found one, since I myself raid other people's drawers too.

Been reading Brokeback Mountain kanina, can't help but be emphatic. I don't know if it was seeing the movie first that put me into melancholy or was it just that Ang and Anne practically puts every audience in a catharsis.

Ggrrr! Sana makapasok ako ng 1st period.

Multiple Choice

You woke up early because you don't want to miss your classes. You came there, but hear not even the faintest drag of footsteps, not a reek and billow of smoke blown out of some bum's piehole whom you very well get along with. Nobody bothered to tell you early on that classes are cancelled, so you ask passersby en route to their singularities. They affirm to whatever doubts you hold. Consequently, you continue walking. Finding that there's no familiarity from your vantage, you start to feel alone, in bad company with, who else, but yourself. You begin resorting to your options. A, B, C, D, E, F, G.. and then drown yourself in permutations.

Pisika

Umulan kanina, kasabay ang tila isang platoon ng sundalo na nagtatakbuhan sa bubong ng aming bahay. Mas trip ko pa na ibabad na lang ang tainga sa static ng radyo kaysa marinig ang ingay nito. Katuwang ng pagpapalitan namin ng SMS ni Jade ay ang pagtalakay sa aming pag-aaral. Tunay ngang dudugo ang iyong utak sa panunuri sa mga prinsipyo sa likod ng pisikal na mundo. At ganun na nga lamang ang aking pagbatid na hindi lang ako ang hirap umintindi. Lecheng kurso, gusto ko nang sumuko.

Linggo

Overfatigued, weight loss, absence, and brain drain - sounds fit to sum up these past few weeks. 838 lang ang character input ng phone ko.. at 276 characters ang nagamit ko. Ngunit gayunpaman, ayoko mag-shortcut para lamang makarating sa huling tuldok ng entry na ito.

Soul Searching

He has outgrown his childhood. Standing at 5’8” and weighing roughly 60 kilos, he would never be that unsullied child who used to toy with anything anymore. Today, the seemingly endless delight of a kid at play would already be a distant lightyears away from the prying eyes of a possible extraterrestrial civilization; just about a couple of decades from an immediate reality of existence.

Chance has always subjected him to changes, and is unknowingly vulnerable – such was the kind of guy who wouldn’t right-away notice if karma bites him at the back. Having met a multitude of personalities, he’d always know where to put a stand and settle… that he could relentlessly assure you.

To him, life is nothing but a harmonic oscillation. A substance of definite proportions driven by a conservative force. He calls this force - action. He may seem apathetic or rather naïve most of the time, yet he listens with earnestness and empathy. He may not give you consolations but he would decisively cry with you upon demand.

He doesn’t fall for someone effortlessly, and love to him is indeed a state of mind. He is, of course, typically amiable.

He, ladies and gentlemen, is butoyzki.

P.S.
Contrary to what pictures were developed, it is upon anyone’s volition to see the negatives.

The Pugilist

It took me half the day to pacify my tummy - darn mixing alcoholic drinks, there ain’t a better way of inducing hangovers. Pacquiao’s got another TV add and I would verily love to smash the tube until it turns finer than the sands, not of Bora but someplace-else. Hasn’t he had enough of public exposure? (As I find no chemistry among him and the products he ordains, which apparently goes way beyond his image.) School’s always the best place for ogling, and after a week in the habit I finally got to encounter some sensible and evil people alike. Time and tide: 24 or so hours to my day. And here, in the right corner, I’m waiting for the rain to fall.

Time Travel

How long must one endure vacillating deep among suppressed tempers
Of past failed relationships, childhood milieus, and people long forgotten
Mining would-have-been possibilities
Until the morn breaks to shun you of memories.

Red Sticks and Amber Bottles

I darn miss that shade on the barren field
Where we wove stories over cig sticks and bottles of extra strong beer
Among the lone tree grasses were once green;
In school uniforms we sit mockingly, exchanging glances every now and then.

In between gulps we lament over our absence
Wishing we don’t miss quizzes and paperworks
As we pose to stare beyond the horizon,
Silence tows away the moments.

We wait in wonder if those mountains could echo the ringing of the bell
So we may consider retreating back to the classes
Half-drunk, half-sober, never to bother.

Men, Au Naturel

To fall for fathomless desperation
Is to hate mankind upon frustration
Whereas we detest the tempest
And drown ourselves out of harmony

An inch of delight and ardor
We’ve dreamt of saving princesses in our shining armor
For no one could withstand this powerful impulse
Infatuation as they call it; we thirst for more

But it ain’t fun for when women go in fury
They eagerly submitted; we compelled bigamy
Matrimonies start; us being trustworthy
It ends; we commit adultery

For whomsoever man had tried to abide
The blame is on us; we sin in every city
Is it our nature? Are we just plain unlucky?
To be a hoax; being what we wanted to be?

Pining Mindset

I miss sanity
Last time I checked,
She’s dating someone else’s ego

I miss composure
Yesterday,
She brought me anxiety and gave me a placebo

I miss mentality
Brute as it is,
He left me after draining a gigabyte of info

I miss life
I left it, with nowhere to go.